Tatum O'Neal
Some of us might remember the lovely actress Tatum O'Neal from her glory days, but for those of us who were too young to grow up with her (myself included), Tatum is the daughter of actress Joanna Cook Moore (d. 1997), and actor Ryan O'Neal of Love Story. Tatum was born in 1963 and became the youngest person ever to win an Oscar for starring in the movie Paper Moon alongside her father at the age of 10. Since then she starred in The Bad New Bears in 1974, Nickelodeon (1976), International Velvet (1978), Little Darlings (1980), Circle of Velvet (1980), and as Goldilocks on the TV show Faerie Tale Theatre episode of Goldilocks and the Three Bears in 1984. But even though she was one of the most sought-after child actresses of her time, Tatum's home life was ridden with abuse. Tatum's father Ryan was publicly known to be a heavy drug user following his emergence into fame, and subjected Tatum and her brother Griffin to severe physical and emotional abuse. Tatum was molested by a friend of her father's, which her father refused to acknowledge. She and her brother were also bullied by their father into taking drugs like cocaine, opium, and heroin, which started her addiction to heroin. One of her saddest allegations is that, at the age of 13, she and her father went on a trip to Europe with her friend, actress Melanie Griffith - 18 years old at the time, and there Tatum walked in on her father and Melanie during sexual intercourse. She was also forced into a drug-induced orgy by her brother after Tatum invited a male hairdresser and his girlfriend over to spend the night while their father filmed a movie. By the time Tatum married tennis superstar John McEnroe in 1986 at the age of 23, she had already been through more than what most of any of us will experience in a lifetime.
Tatum's marriage got off to a bad start - none of her family members could be bothered to attend the wedding, and Tatum was battling an addiction to heroin. She had three children, Kevin, Sean, and Emily, but was unable to stave off her addiction and her marriage crumbled by 1992 with a separation, and finally a divorce in 1994. Tatum, depressed, turned back to drugs and lost custody of her children in 1998. Efforts to clean up her act and return to acting came in spurts, with guests appearances on 8 Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage Daughter, Sex and the City, and Law and Order: Criminal Intent, as well as a recurring role on the hit drama series Rescue Me. She also appeared on Dancing with the Stars. But in 2008, Tatum was arrested for trying to purchase cocaine near her apartment in Manhattan and drug possession, proving that even after nearly 10 years, her problems were not behind her. She plead guilty to disorderly conduct during her arrest and agreed to two half-day sessions in rehab.
Some of the most disturbing news surrounding Tatum O'Neal comes as a result of the recent death of '70s actress Farrah Fawcett in 2009, who was in a long-term relationship with Tatum's father Ryan following his own divorce from her mother in 1967. Tatum, who had not engaged with her father in years, encountered him at Fawcett's funeral. Ryan was so estranged from his own daughter that he actually made a pass at her, having not recognized her:
“They had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me," Ryan tells Vanity Fair. "I said to her, 'You have a drink on you? You have a car?' She said, 'Daddy, it's me -- Tatum!' I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it's my daughter. It's so sick."
This led to many segments in entertainment news following the O'Neal family, including Griffin surfacing with age-old accusations against his father, but Tatum's comment in response to Ryan going public with his blunder was this:
About being hit on by her dad, Tatum sighs and says: "That's our relationship in a nutshell. You make of it what you will." It had been a few years since we'd seen each other, and he was always a ladies' man, a bon vivant."
A woman who's accepted the breaks.
Why did I post this story? I think it's clear that Tatum's experiences shattered her for life. She's
made valiant efforts to get past it - separating from her irreparable family, marrying and trying to start a new life on her own, going back to acting - but it remains clear that Tatum is still broken as a human being. I can't comment on whether or not she's had therapy, I wouldn't know. What I do see is that, even though she seems to be "living" on the outside, her inner core is still crippled by a low sense of self-worth. Her comment in response to her father is full of defeat. Going back to drugs so recently is self-defeating. Tatum never reached her full potential as an actress, when she showed such promise in her youth. Sadly, it seems to me, her invisible cage is still very real.
I saw her on Oprah a year ago, and it broke my heart. She was still in so much pain, and so wanted to be a good mom and there for her children. She has many demons from her past, but ultimately, she was incredibly honest, and I wish her the best.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it also pains her that she does not have a healthy relationship with her father.
I wish Tatum all the best, too. It's so terrible that someone with a good heart and drive to care for her loved ones was damaged to the point where she doesn't even know how to do the things she wants to do in life.
ReplyDeletemy motto really is you can't pick your parents but you can survive them. i tell my sister that and all my cousins whose parents are emotionally abusive. emotional abuse can have a tremendous effect on your life and being, and worse, it's very easy for the abuser to deny
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting, Mary! It's sad but true, you don't get to pick your family members - but I think you do get to pick how they affect you when you're away from them. I think it's great that you're supporting your sister and cousins this way, it lets them see that the whole world is not like their abusers.
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