How Did They Do It?

A couple of weeks ago I finished a 4-part superficial case study on the lives of some celebrities who lived through emotional abuse, survived, and went on to live better lives - even though life originally dealt them spoiled cards. Thanks for bearing with me through a long blog break! Now we can finally look at these cases and take them apart.

Antwone Fisher was abused by his foster family growing up, and by the time he was 18 he was living on the streets. Now he's a heralded African-American poet and screenplay writer.

Janice Dickinson was abused by her father growing up, ran away from home at age 15, and had nearly nothing going for her but her good looks. But she became one of the world's most recognizable supermodels, and today she's still a big name in the fashion industry from the veteran's side.

Christina Aguilera was also abused by her father, but her mother made their escape when she was a young girl. She went on to become an accomplished singer with several Grammy awards under her belt.

Finally, Drew Barrymore grew up with an abusive father in the wings and a negligent mother, but is now a model, a highly sought-after actress, and the founder of her own film production company.

And there are so many more famous survivors out there that I would have loved to give tribute to in full, but the list is just too long for me to fit here!

So what do all of these seemingly unrelated big names have in common? What is it that each of them did (or had going for them) that helped them to twist their fates around in their favor?

I'm no expert, but there are a few things that stuck out to me that I'll post here.

Awareness: Each one of the celebrities that we've looked at so far, I've noticed, were all very aware of their situations when they were being abused. To put it more clearly, they all recognized they were being abused. Not one of them internalized their experiences as normal behavior, or treatment of another human being, even though it was happening to them only and even though they had no other references for what good treatment was supposed to look and feel like.

Rejection: Another thing I noticed about these stories is that, all of the celebrities have at least one quote out there of themselves saying that they never accepted that what was done to them was normal or good, or their fault. I think that's huge, because I think one characteristic of most abuse victims is that they tend to believe that they deserved what happened or is happening to them - and that's entirely not true. But these people were brave enough to declare to themselves, at least, that "no, this isn't right - I don't deserve this in any way".

"Cocooning": This is just my own fancy term for what I think is simply, removing themselves from a bad situation. Each of the celebrities mentally, emotionally, and physically cut themselves off from their abuse, before it could rob them of their spirits. Some of them ran away and started lives on their own, pursuing their dreams far away from where their abusers could harm them. They all refused to engage with or contact their abusers while they were in the process of healing themselves by being away from the abuse ("cocooning", haha) - and some of them have vowed never to contact their abusers again. (Christina Aguilera and Janice Dickinson have both sworn off their fathers and won't even meet with them, even now that it's been several years since they were last mistreated). I think this is so important because the victims took the time to find out what the real world is like for themselves through different glasses. Then they could finally begin to learn that what happened to them was unique, and not characteristic of how the world works, so that they could learn to function.

Self-determination: Each of the celebrities figured out who they wanted to be, then went out and became that person - regardless of whether or not they would be liked, respected, or even good at what they became. They just pursued their dreams. Through trial and error, they also experimented with ways of expressing themselves. Some of them stumbled onto the typical victim's path of drug abuse and promiscuity, but they learned quick and bounced right back off that track when they realized those things were in the way of what they wanted out of life. None of these people apologize for who they've become in any way. They found that, since no one was going to teach them how to do things, they would have to make their own mould.

And each person met with great success!

From time to time, I'm going to be posting more pictures on my sidebar of famous people who have accomplished great things, even though they've lived through terrible abuse. But in the meantime, thank you for following the study! In future posts, we can go into more detail about what it means for us everyday people to be able to overcome emotional abuse.

Hiatus

I'm back!

I've been away for a few days while I get things in order for a new university degree I'm pursuing, so I won't be posting as regularly as I would like to be. But I look forward to having a new addition up by the weekend!

Thank you for reading so faithfully :). Please send any suggestions to sticksandstonesblog@gmail.com or feel free to comment on any of the posts. Have a great week!

E.N.

Celebrity Victories: Part 4 of 4

This is the final installment in a 4-part case study on famous survivors of emotional abuse.

The last person I chose to focus on for this case study is a great example, I think, because she's done so well for herself even after growing up in the public eye that most people don't even remember that she was once a victim!

Drew Barrymore

Drew Blythy Barrymore was born in 1975 in Culver City, CA into old Hollywood royalty: the Barrymore acting family. Her father was the late actor John Barrymore (d. 2004), and her mother was Ildiko Jaid Barrymore, an aspiring actress - but her father abandoned the family before Drew was even born. Drew's acting career began when she was a mere 11 months old, and shot a dog food commercial. She got her first acting role in 1980 at the age of 5, but her second project shot her to fame. She played young Gertie in the iconic film E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, worked with director Steven Spielberg, and became America's sweetheart.

Her life at home was more troubled. Drew's father was neglectful, and when he reunited with the family when she was 3, John was verbally and psychologically abusive towards Drew and her mother. Drew's mother also had very little time for her while she worked two full-time jobs, leaving a young Drew to fend for and almost raise herself. Drew's memories about her father were especially painful, although her relationship with her mother was also nearly non-existant:

"I really love him. I hated him while I was growing up. He was an abusive
asshole. But now that I've grown up, I do love him. For a crazy person he's
the most intelligent, fascinating man I've ever met, but he is crazy.
Omigod, he's insane! He'll, like, leave a crazy message every couple of
months, maybe. But he's off, sucking the marrow out of life like no other
human being. He sucks it dry! He's like the vacuum cleaner of life. It's
sort of hard. But I know that he loves me. His ways of showing it are very
peculiar, you know? I've accepted it. So I don't have that pain anymore."

Her confusion, youth, and limitless new power led Drew to experiment with boundaries, and by the time she was 9 she had already dabbled in drug abuse and become a regular patron at the notorious nightclub Studio 54 - a place that allowed patrons to have sex and take up drugs right under the management's nose. By the age of 13, Drew was snorting cocaine and had to be checked into rehab. The media ate up the salicious stories of the young starlet acting 30 when she looked 12, but no one noticed her cries for help and sanity until Drew attempted suicide when she was 14. Living in sobriety with singer David Crosby and his family, Drew wrote her autobiography Little Girl Lost, and when she was 15 years old, she went to the courts to be legally emancipated from her family.

Drew's drug problems never returned. She revamped her image as a young doe-eyed seductress and went on to star in movies such as Poison Ivy (1992) and Guncrazy (1993) - and adopted a wild streak, posing for Playboy and nude for the magazine Interview, dancing topless on the desk on Late Show with David Letterman, and getting scolded by her god-father and family friend Steven Spielberg. Toning down her image won her even more roles. Drew starred in Boys on the Side, Mad Love, Batman Forever, Scream, The Wedding Singer, Home Fries, and with her own newly founded production company Flower Films, Charlie's Angels, Never Been Kissed, and Charlie's Angels 2: Full Throttle by the close of the 20th century. In 1991, she got engaged to Leland Hayward and called it off within a few months, then to Jamie Walters from 1992-1993, and finally was married to Jeremy Thomas in 1994. The marriage dissolved in another few months and Drew married for the second time to comedic actor Tom Green in 2001, with Green filing for divorce in 2002.

Drew gradually grew into a lovely, refined, and likeable lady with a mature outlook on life and perpetual positivity. Her production company helped to finance such film projects as Donnie Darko, Duplex with Ben Stiller in 2003, 50 First Dates with Adam Sandler and his production company Happy Madison in 2004, and Fever Pitch, Music and Lyrics, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, and He's Just Not That Into You in 2008. She's now expected to direct the third film in the Twilight series in 2010.

Drew has been inducted into the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2004. She's also one of the highest-paid film actresses in Hollywood to date, and still holds the record for the youngest person to host Saturday Night Live from 1982. Drew even works as a model, becoming the newest face to join Covergirl Cosmetics in 2007, and the face of Gucci jewelry that same year. Her philanthropic efforts are also as heartfelt as her career choices. She supports various abuse centers and drives annually, was named the Ambassador Against World Hunger for the UN in 2007 shortly before donating $1 million to its program, and has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show on various occassions to promote her charities.

Few will argue against Drew's beauty, talent, drive, or spirit, but not that many people remember all that much about her history with abuse. But the pain and scars of living with child abuse are just that for Drew - a distant memory.

Celebrity Victories: Part 3 of 4

This is the third installment in a 4-part case study on celebrities who have overcome their experiences with emotional abuse, and gone on to live happy and fulfilled lives.

This young woman was at the height of her career during the late '90s to the early 21st century, but I'm sure many readers would recognize her name even today. Personally, I love her swagger and was a big fan even before I learned of her history!

Christina Aguilera

Christina Maria Aguilera was born in 1980 in Staten Island, New York, the eldest of two children to Fausto Wagner Xavier Aguilera, former US Army Sergeant, and Shelly Lorraine Fidler, a Spanish language teacher. Her father was physically abusive towards the rest of the members of Christina's family, especially her mother, but Christina recalls being beaten severely even at the tender age of four. She was also emotionally abused, regularly called names like "slut" and "baby whore", pit against her younger sister Rachel and forced to fight and abuse each other, and locked up in her room and tied to pieces of furniture when her father was alone with her, just to hear her scream and cry. Christina's mother finally filed for a divorce when Christina was seven years old, and their small family moved to Rochester, Pennsylvania, to live with her grandmother.

Christina began dreaming of becoming a singer at a very young age, and showed promise with her growly, mature voice. Her mother put her in talent shows and singing competitions, and she quickly became known as "the little girl with the big voice". Later on VH1's Driven focused on the child star, it was said that when competitors learned that Christina had signed up to perform against them in a show, many would withdraw, and competiting against Christina was compared to "leading a lamb to the slaughter" - she was that good. Jealousy ensued and Christina was teased, isolated, and once almost attacked during gym class. Her house was also vandalized and her mother's car tires were slashed. Again, Christina's family relocated to Wexford, Pennsylvania, and Christina kept a low profile.

In 1990, Christina competed on Star Search and came in second place. From then on in Pittsburgh, she was invited to sing the Star Spangled Banner at televised games for the Pittsburgh Steelers, Pittsburgh Pirates, and the Pittsburgh Penguins. In 1993, Christina auditioned for the popular children's entertainment show The Mickey Mouse Club, and won a role along child stars Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, Ryan Gosling, and Keri Russell, lasting a year before the program was cancelled. But her solo career breakthrough came in 1998 when Christina recorded the song "Reflection" for the Disney animated feature film Mulan - a song that earned her her first recording contract with RCA Records, and a Golden Globe nomination for Best Original Song.

Christina's self-titled debut album contained the hit songs "Genie in a Bottle", "What a Girl Wants", "I Turn To You", and "Come on Over (All I Want is You)". She won a Grammy Award for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance for "Genie in a Bottle", and a Grammy Award for Best New Artist. Christina encouraged by her managers to record a Spanish album, being fluent in Spanish from her childhood, and she released Mi Reflejo in 2000. The album won her a Best Female Pop Vocal Album at the Latin Grammy Awards that same year. Christina also recorded a Christmas album (My Kind of Christmas), but in 2001 her group single "Lady Marmalade", a pop cover of the original song sung alongside Missy Elliot, Mya, and Pink, won her another Grammy for Best Pop Collaboration with Vocals.

By this time Christina was in her early 20s, and wanted to venture out into deeper territory with her image and music. In 2002, Christina released Stripped, her most controversial album. She soared to the height of her popularity for adopting a condemnable wild new image, suggestive and creative new lyrics, and experiments with different musical styles and artists - including pianist Alicia Keys. Critics hated and loved the "new" Christina all at the same time. "Dirrty" threatened to destroy her appeal to younger fans for its raunchy dancing and content. "Beautiful" was better received, followed by "Fighter". After much controversy over her behavior, including a performance during an MTV awards show with Madonna and Britney Spears where Christina shared an open-mouth kiss with Madonna, Christina revamped her image to "Hollywood glam" and released Back to Basics in 2006. The album debuted at number 1 in the US, UK, and eleven other countries. She won another Grammy Award for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance for "Ain't No Other Man" from the album. A new album is due out from Christina in fall 2009.

Christina began dating marketing executive Jordan Bratman in 2002, and they were married in 2005 in Napa Valley. In 2008, Christina gave birth to her first child, Max Liron Bratman. Christina has also been heavily involved with charities throughout her careers, especially those that focus on domestic and child abuse. She contributes to the Women's Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Refuge UK, and Lifetime Television's "End violence against women" campaign. Christina is very open and vocal about the abuse she and her mother and sister sustained at the hands of her father, and to this day has refused all contact with him.

I believe Christina is inspirational because she's always been a work in progress. Even though her earliest memories are depressing ones, she's pursued her dreams and continues to move forward even after dominating her field. She also shows concern for those who have been through similar situations. It's evident to me that if Christina has ever been a victim of the invisible cage, she found a way to break out of it a long time ago.