How Did They Do It?

A couple of weeks ago I finished a 4-part superficial case study on the lives of some celebrities who lived through emotional abuse, survived, and went on to live better lives - even though life originally dealt them spoiled cards. Thanks for bearing with me through a long blog break! Now we can finally look at these cases and take them apart.

Antwone Fisher was abused by his foster family growing up, and by the time he was 18 he was living on the streets. Now he's a heralded African-American poet and screenplay writer.

Janice Dickinson was abused by her father growing up, ran away from home at age 15, and had nearly nothing going for her but her good looks. But she became one of the world's most recognizable supermodels, and today she's still a big name in the fashion industry from the veteran's side.

Christina Aguilera was also abused by her father, but her mother made their escape when she was a young girl. She went on to become an accomplished singer with several Grammy awards under her belt.

Finally, Drew Barrymore grew up with an abusive father in the wings and a negligent mother, but is now a model, a highly sought-after actress, and the founder of her own film production company.

And there are so many more famous survivors out there that I would have loved to give tribute to in full, but the list is just too long for me to fit here!

So what do all of these seemingly unrelated big names have in common? What is it that each of them did (or had going for them) that helped them to twist their fates around in their favor?

I'm no expert, but there are a few things that stuck out to me that I'll post here.

Awareness: Each one of the celebrities that we've looked at so far, I've noticed, were all very aware of their situations when they were being abused. To put it more clearly, they all recognized they were being abused. Not one of them internalized their experiences as normal behavior, or treatment of another human being, even though it was happening to them only and even though they had no other references for what good treatment was supposed to look and feel like.

Rejection: Another thing I noticed about these stories is that, all of the celebrities have at least one quote out there of themselves saying that they never accepted that what was done to them was normal or good, or their fault. I think that's huge, because I think one characteristic of most abuse victims is that they tend to believe that they deserved what happened or is happening to them - and that's entirely not true. But these people were brave enough to declare to themselves, at least, that "no, this isn't right - I don't deserve this in any way".

"Cocooning": This is just my own fancy term for what I think is simply, removing themselves from a bad situation. Each of the celebrities mentally, emotionally, and physically cut themselves off from their abuse, before it could rob them of their spirits. Some of them ran away and started lives on their own, pursuing their dreams far away from where their abusers could harm them. They all refused to engage with or contact their abusers while they were in the process of healing themselves by being away from the abuse ("cocooning", haha) - and some of them have vowed never to contact their abusers again. (Christina Aguilera and Janice Dickinson have both sworn off their fathers and won't even meet with them, even now that it's been several years since they were last mistreated). I think this is so important because the victims took the time to find out what the real world is like for themselves through different glasses. Then they could finally begin to learn that what happened to them was unique, and not characteristic of how the world works, so that they could learn to function.

Self-determination: Each of the celebrities figured out who they wanted to be, then went out and became that person - regardless of whether or not they would be liked, respected, or even good at what they became. They just pursued their dreams. Through trial and error, they also experimented with ways of expressing themselves. Some of them stumbled onto the typical victim's path of drug abuse and promiscuity, but they learned quick and bounced right back off that track when they realized those things were in the way of what they wanted out of life. None of these people apologize for who they've become in any way. They found that, since no one was going to teach them how to do things, they would have to make their own mould.

And each person met with great success!

From time to time, I'm going to be posting more pictures on my sidebar of famous people who have accomplished great things, even though they've lived through terrible abuse. But in the meantime, thank you for following the study! In future posts, we can go into more detail about what it means for us everyday people to be able to overcome emotional abuse.

Hiatus

I'm back!

I've been away for a few days while I get things in order for a new university degree I'm pursuing, so I won't be posting as regularly as I would like to be. But I look forward to having a new addition up by the weekend!

Thank you for reading so faithfully :). Please send any suggestions to sticksandstonesblog@gmail.com or feel free to comment on any of the posts. Have a great week!

E.N.

Celebrity Victories: Part 4 of 4

This is the final installment in a 4-part case study on famous survivors of emotional abuse.

The last person I chose to focus on for this case study is a great example, I think, because she's done so well for herself even after growing up in the public eye that most people don't even remember that she was once a victim!

Drew Barrymore

Drew Blythy Barrymore was born in 1975 in Culver City, CA into old Hollywood royalty: the Barrymore acting family. Her father was the late actor John Barrymore (d. 2004), and her mother was Ildiko Jaid Barrymore, an aspiring actress - but her father abandoned the family before Drew was even born. Drew's acting career began when she was a mere 11 months old, and shot a dog food commercial. She got her first acting role in 1980 at the age of 5, but her second project shot her to fame. She played young Gertie in the iconic film E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, worked with director Steven Spielberg, and became America's sweetheart.

Her life at home was more troubled. Drew's father was neglectful, and when he reunited with the family when she was 3, John was verbally and psychologically abusive towards Drew and her mother. Drew's mother also had very little time for her while she worked two full-time jobs, leaving a young Drew to fend for and almost raise herself. Drew's memories about her father were especially painful, although her relationship with her mother was also nearly non-existant:

"I really love him. I hated him while I was growing up. He was an abusive
asshole. But now that I've grown up, I do love him. For a crazy person he's
the most intelligent, fascinating man I've ever met, but he is crazy.
Omigod, he's insane! He'll, like, leave a crazy message every couple of
months, maybe. But he's off, sucking the marrow out of life like no other
human being. He sucks it dry! He's like the vacuum cleaner of life. It's
sort of hard. But I know that he loves me. His ways of showing it are very
peculiar, you know? I've accepted it. So I don't have that pain anymore."

Her confusion, youth, and limitless new power led Drew to experiment with boundaries, and by the time she was 9 she had already dabbled in drug abuse and become a regular patron at the notorious nightclub Studio 54 - a place that allowed patrons to have sex and take up drugs right under the management's nose. By the age of 13, Drew was snorting cocaine and had to be checked into rehab. The media ate up the salicious stories of the young starlet acting 30 when she looked 12, but no one noticed her cries for help and sanity until Drew attempted suicide when she was 14. Living in sobriety with singer David Crosby and his family, Drew wrote her autobiography Little Girl Lost, and when she was 15 years old, she went to the courts to be legally emancipated from her family.

Drew's drug problems never returned. She revamped her image as a young doe-eyed seductress and went on to star in movies such as Poison Ivy (1992) and Guncrazy (1993) - and adopted a wild streak, posing for Playboy and nude for the magazine Interview, dancing topless on the desk on Late Show with David Letterman, and getting scolded by her god-father and family friend Steven Spielberg. Toning down her image won her even more roles. Drew starred in Boys on the Side, Mad Love, Batman Forever, Scream, The Wedding Singer, Home Fries, and with her own newly founded production company Flower Films, Charlie's Angels, Never Been Kissed, and Charlie's Angels 2: Full Throttle by the close of the 20th century. In 1991, she got engaged to Leland Hayward and called it off within a few months, then to Jamie Walters from 1992-1993, and finally was married to Jeremy Thomas in 1994. The marriage dissolved in another few months and Drew married for the second time to comedic actor Tom Green in 2001, with Green filing for divorce in 2002.

Drew gradually grew into a lovely, refined, and likeable lady with a mature outlook on life and perpetual positivity. Her production company helped to finance such film projects as Donnie Darko, Duplex with Ben Stiller in 2003, 50 First Dates with Adam Sandler and his production company Happy Madison in 2004, and Fever Pitch, Music and Lyrics, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, and He's Just Not That Into You in 2008. She's now expected to direct the third film in the Twilight series in 2010.

Drew has been inducted into the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2004. She's also one of the highest-paid film actresses in Hollywood to date, and still holds the record for the youngest person to host Saturday Night Live from 1982. Drew even works as a model, becoming the newest face to join Covergirl Cosmetics in 2007, and the face of Gucci jewelry that same year. Her philanthropic efforts are also as heartfelt as her career choices. She supports various abuse centers and drives annually, was named the Ambassador Against World Hunger for the UN in 2007 shortly before donating $1 million to its program, and has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show on various occassions to promote her charities.

Few will argue against Drew's beauty, talent, drive, or spirit, but not that many people remember all that much about her history with abuse. But the pain and scars of living with child abuse are just that for Drew - a distant memory.

Celebrity Victories: Part 3 of 4

This is the third installment in a 4-part case study on celebrities who have overcome their experiences with emotional abuse, and gone on to live happy and fulfilled lives.

This young woman was at the height of her career during the late '90s to the early 21st century, but I'm sure many readers would recognize her name even today. Personally, I love her swagger and was a big fan even before I learned of her history!

Christina Aguilera

Christina Maria Aguilera was born in 1980 in Staten Island, New York, the eldest of two children to Fausto Wagner Xavier Aguilera, former US Army Sergeant, and Shelly Lorraine Fidler, a Spanish language teacher. Her father was physically abusive towards the rest of the members of Christina's family, especially her mother, but Christina recalls being beaten severely even at the tender age of four. She was also emotionally abused, regularly called names like "slut" and "baby whore", pit against her younger sister Rachel and forced to fight and abuse each other, and locked up in her room and tied to pieces of furniture when her father was alone with her, just to hear her scream and cry. Christina's mother finally filed for a divorce when Christina was seven years old, and their small family moved to Rochester, Pennsylvania, to live with her grandmother.

Christina began dreaming of becoming a singer at a very young age, and showed promise with her growly, mature voice. Her mother put her in talent shows and singing competitions, and she quickly became known as "the little girl with the big voice". Later on VH1's Driven focused on the child star, it was said that when competitors learned that Christina had signed up to perform against them in a show, many would withdraw, and competiting against Christina was compared to "leading a lamb to the slaughter" - she was that good. Jealousy ensued and Christina was teased, isolated, and once almost attacked during gym class. Her house was also vandalized and her mother's car tires were slashed. Again, Christina's family relocated to Wexford, Pennsylvania, and Christina kept a low profile.

In 1990, Christina competed on Star Search and came in second place. From then on in Pittsburgh, she was invited to sing the Star Spangled Banner at televised games for the Pittsburgh Steelers, Pittsburgh Pirates, and the Pittsburgh Penguins. In 1993, Christina auditioned for the popular children's entertainment show The Mickey Mouse Club, and won a role along child stars Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, Ryan Gosling, and Keri Russell, lasting a year before the program was cancelled. But her solo career breakthrough came in 1998 when Christina recorded the song "Reflection" for the Disney animated feature film Mulan - a song that earned her her first recording contract with RCA Records, and a Golden Globe nomination for Best Original Song.

Christina's self-titled debut album contained the hit songs "Genie in a Bottle", "What a Girl Wants", "I Turn To You", and "Come on Over (All I Want is You)". She won a Grammy Award for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance for "Genie in a Bottle", and a Grammy Award for Best New Artist. Christina encouraged by her managers to record a Spanish album, being fluent in Spanish from her childhood, and she released Mi Reflejo in 2000. The album won her a Best Female Pop Vocal Album at the Latin Grammy Awards that same year. Christina also recorded a Christmas album (My Kind of Christmas), but in 2001 her group single "Lady Marmalade", a pop cover of the original song sung alongside Missy Elliot, Mya, and Pink, won her another Grammy for Best Pop Collaboration with Vocals.

By this time Christina was in her early 20s, and wanted to venture out into deeper territory with her image and music. In 2002, Christina released Stripped, her most controversial album. She soared to the height of her popularity for adopting a condemnable wild new image, suggestive and creative new lyrics, and experiments with different musical styles and artists - including pianist Alicia Keys. Critics hated and loved the "new" Christina all at the same time. "Dirrty" threatened to destroy her appeal to younger fans for its raunchy dancing and content. "Beautiful" was better received, followed by "Fighter". After much controversy over her behavior, including a performance during an MTV awards show with Madonna and Britney Spears where Christina shared an open-mouth kiss with Madonna, Christina revamped her image to "Hollywood glam" and released Back to Basics in 2006. The album debuted at number 1 in the US, UK, and eleven other countries. She won another Grammy Award for Best Female Pop Vocal Performance for "Ain't No Other Man" from the album. A new album is due out from Christina in fall 2009.

Christina began dating marketing executive Jordan Bratman in 2002, and they were married in 2005 in Napa Valley. In 2008, Christina gave birth to her first child, Max Liron Bratman. Christina has also been heavily involved with charities throughout her careers, especially those that focus on domestic and child abuse. She contributes to the Women's Center and Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Refuge UK, and Lifetime Television's "End violence against women" campaign. Christina is very open and vocal about the abuse she and her mother and sister sustained at the hands of her father, and to this day has refused all contact with him.

I believe Christina is inspirational because she's always been a work in progress. Even though her earliest memories are depressing ones, she's pursued her dreams and continues to move forward even after dominating her field. She also shows concern for those who have been through similar situations. It's evident to me that if Christina has ever been a victim of the invisible cage, she found a way to break out of it a long time ago.

Celebrity Victories: Part 2 of 4

This is the second part in a 4-part case study on the lives of celebrities who have lived through emotional abuse, survived, and gone on to live happy and vibrant lives.

You're going to think I'm absolutely crazy for who I've picked next. It's arguable that this woman is just off-her-rocker "out there". She's loud, she's unapologetic, she's in your face, and sometimes she's just plain insulting. But she doesn't care who doesn't like her - she likes herself enough for the whole world, thank you very much! LOL I picked this woman because she's fun to watch, and even aside from her silly personality, she's accomplished a lot.

Janice Dickinson

Janice Dickinson was born in 1955 in Brooklyn, New York, and grew up in Hollywood, Florida in a four-person household with her parents and younger sister. Her start to life was one full of abuse. As she was quoted from her future autobiography written in 2002, No Lifeguards On Duty: The Accidental Life of the World's First Supermodel, Janice described her parents this way:
"My father was a tall, slim, handsome man with a thick head of silver hair, buzzed flat, and gunmetal gray yes. People liked Ray. He had an easy smile. A pleasant laugh. He was a good storyteller, a good listener, popular with the neighbors. But I didn't often see that easy smile. Or hear that pleasant laugh. I saw, instead, the way his eyes changed color when he got angry, the whites glowing red. Or the way he balled up his big, freckled fists when he came after me, like a bull in heat. I hated him. I hated his eyes; his hair; that acrid breath; the wife-beater, Fruit of the Loom T-shirts. I hated him with every fiber of my being. I hated my mother, too; hated her because she was numbed into oblivion with the pills she'd been prescribed for an old back injury. She would come home at the end of the day, floating, and she stayed aloft with the help of those lovely pills. She would glide through the house on a cushion of air, in slow motion, unaware, unseeing, her voice soft, her mind elsewhere, always smiling this benign Hare Krishna smile -- like she was At One With God or something; which she was, I guess, at least chemically."

Janice's father was very physically and emotionally abusive to her, especially when puberty hit. Her younger sister was the initial target of her father's pedophilia, but when he turned his sights on Janice - who was growing more beautiful by the day - and she repeatedly refused to have sex with him, Janice's father beat her daily and would constantly hurl insults on her. He told her that she "wouldn't amount to anything", that she "looked like a boy", and that he would kill her if she ever told anyone of what he did to her. At the same time, Janice's mother developed an addiction to painkillers after an accident when Janice was young, and was always high - no help to her daughters. But Janice always had a fiery spirit, and in the early 1970s when she was about 15 years old, Janice ran away from home and went to New York City in hopes of becoming a model.

Janice was determined to be a success, if only to be able to stay away from her abusive family forever. She began calling modeling agencies incessantly. At the time, the top working models in the industry were the blond, "girl next door" types (like Cheryl Tiegs and Jean Shrimpton), and Janice hardly fit the mold with her dark hair, dark eyes, and plump lips. She went to Ford and was turned down by the modeling agency for those lips, but ended up going to Paris after her new friend, actress Lorraine Bracco, told her boyfriend - who was a photographer - to check Janice out. Janice became a European hit and finally returned to New York City in 1978, where her career took off.

Janice's wild streak emerged with her rising fame. She spent much of her youth in the notorious Studio 54 and with the celebrities of the time like Truman Capote, Andy Warhol, and John Belushi. She also began to experiment with men and women - sleeping, allegedly, with Prince Albert II, Warren Beatty, John Cusack, Mick Jagger, Grace Jones, John F. Kennedy, Jr., Kelly LeBrock, Jon Lovitz, Dolph Lundgren, Liam Neeson, Jack Nicholson, Bruce Willis, and Frank Zappa, among others - and drugs, taking up alcohol, cocaine, and heroin. Soon Janice became known for her brash, wild personality. Once while still riding the high off of recreational drugs, Janice fell off a runway and into Sophia Loren's lap. Janice also became the self-proclaimed first supermodel. In E! Network's E! True Hollywood Story, she described how she coined the term "supermodel" in 1979. Her manager, concerned that at the peak of her modeling career she was doing too much work, told her, "You are not Superman." Janice replied, "I am not Superman, I am a supermodel." She got to a point in her career where she was virtually untouchable, appearing in Harper's Bazaar, Vogue (a staggering 37 times on its cover), and Playboy, and working with huge fashion houses Giorgio Armani, Gianni Versace, and Calvin Klein. Remembering when Ford snubbed her at the start of her career, Janice finally got her revenge when she signed with Elite Model Management, telling Ford, "It's me, big-lipped Janice. I'm going to Elite. I don't like you, I've never liked you."

Janice first married in the early '80s to Ron Levy, then in 1987 to Simon Fields (a marriage that lasted 6 years), and finally to Albert "Alan" B. Gerston in 1995 (which lasted 1 year). Her marriage to Fields produced her first son, Nathan Fields, and later a relationship with Michael Birnbaum produced her daughter Savannah Dickinson. At first, Janice believed her daughter's father was Sylvester Stallone, with whom she'd been having an affair, but this was settled after much public speculation and a paternity test. In 2002, Janice wrote her autobiography, and followed that up with her second book in 2004, Everything About Me Is Fake...And I'm Perfect!, in which she describes her battles with self-esteem, her alcoholism, drug abuse, anoxeria and bulimia, her experience with plastic surgery, and her modeling career.

Since her victim's past and racy youth, Janice has cleaned up her act considerably - but she's still Janice! She's overcome her struggles with substance abuse and indiscrepant sex, and is now at the point where she can poke fun at her experiences. She acted as a judge on the wildly popular reality TV show America's Next Top Model for four years alongside Tyra Banks, and moved on to have her own show, The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. In 2005, Janice was a contestant on The Surreal Life for its fifth season, and there she spoke candidly to the rest of the contestants about her abusive childhood. Janice is now working on a fourth book after her funny and tender Check Please! Dating, Mating and Extricating, and has begun work philanthropically as a motivational speaker, travelling to various schools to speak about child abuse.

Say what you will about her, but Janice has never apologized for who she is or what she wants out of life. She became a self-made success out of ashes, and has never assumed her parents' pathology as her own. When learned patterns of self-destruction threatened to overcome her, Janice snuffed all of those crippling behaviors out of her life. She is open and candid about her mistakes as well as her triumphs, and has a kill-or-be-killed spirit about life in general. Janice made herself fit - in turn, she's broken the mold and gone on to be a great, if kooky (!), example of "independent woman"...gone wild!

Celebrity Victories: Part 1 of 4

On to the good news - famous survivors of emotional abuse who are doing much more than surviving: they're living life to the fullest. I'm excited to start this case study set because it serves as blessed assurance for me that there's hope. Even if my story or yours never turns out to be so spectacular as to get its own movie, like the following man's did, it's still cause for celebration if one day you can honestly say you're happy with where you've made it!

I chose to start with someone not quite so recognizable, but definitely commendable.

Antwone Fisher

Antwone Fisher was born in 1959 in an Ohio state prison, the child of 17-year-old Eva Mae Fisher and 23-year-old Eddie Elkins - with his father having been shot and killed before Antwone was even born. His mother's imprisonment and father's absence left him to be declared a ward of the state, and so Antwone was place in foster care before he was even a year old. For the first two years of his life Antwone was fortunate to be in the care of a loving family, with a foster mother that grew very attached to her new son. But the state intervened and quickly put Antwone back into the foster care system, fearful that his foster mother's feelings would grow to a problematic level of attachment. At the time, his mother was still in prison, and a reunion between the two would have been impossible to secure. So Antwone was placed in the care of Reverend and Mrs. Pickett, where the trauma of his childhood began.

The Pickett family was very abusive to Antwone for the twelve-year duration of his stay, both emotionally and physically. Antwone's foster parents put him down constantly, beat him, isolated him, and one of the family members, his elder foster sister, forced Antwone to kiss and lie with her when they were under the age of 10. The abuse finally came to an end when Antwone reached the age of 16, and he walked out of the Pickett household without getting so much as a good-bye. Antwone graduated high school and turned to the YMCA for shelter and help, and became a legally emancipated minor from the state. There he befriended a young criminal nicknamed "Butch" in order to be protected from the other young delinquents and sexual predators staying at the YMCA. When his time at the YMCA ran out, Antwone was homeless, and he ended up sleeping on park benches and in alleys, struggling to stay alive. Unsure of anywhere else to turn, Antwone decided to join the US Navy. He served the country for eleven proud years, and became friends with a Navy psychiatrist named Commander Williams, who helped him come to terms with his abusive past and realize his potential. In 1992, Antwone finally left the Navy and began working at Sony Pictures Entertainment as a security guard. He was also compelled to look for members of his birth family, and found his aunt Annette Elkins in Cleveland, his mother Eva Mae, and the rest of his surviving kin.

Since then, Antwone's accomplishments have been numerous and impressive. He became a film producer and screenwriter and has been working in Hollywood for the past 16 years, with his name attached to fourteen writing projects in film. He wrote his memoirs, entitled Finding Fish, which became a New York Times bestseller. The memoirs have since been translated into the acclaimed motion picture Antwone Fisher, which stars Denzel Washington and then young newcomer Derek Luke in the title role, and is directed by Denzel Washington (movie poster pictured above). His other great accomplishment is a collection of poetry titled Who Will Cry For the Little Boy?, a work that quickly made the National Best Seller list after its publication and is now one of the best-selling books of poetry of all time.

Antwone has also been awarded many times for his achievements. He won the Christopher Award for his part in scripting the movie Antwone Fisher, as well as the Humanitas Prize for writing and co-producing, an NAACP Image Award for the same film, the Screenwriter of the Year Award from the National Association of Theatre Owners, the National Angel in Adoption Award in 2002, and he has been nominated for Best Original Screenplay from the Writers' Guild of American West for Antwone Fisher. In 1993, Antwone was named as one of 50 people in Hollywood to watch by Variety Magazine. In 2005, he was also named as one of the Top 100 People in Hollywood You Need To Know by Fade In Magazine, as "the First Word in film". Finally, in May of 2003, Antwone was awarded the Doctor of Humane Letters degree by conferring from Cleveland State University, in honor and recognition of his achievements as an author, producer, poet, screenwriter, and his loyalty to his community and indestructable spirit.

Antwone now teaches at the University of California in Los Angeles as a professor, and is working on the film project Training Day 2 for Warner Brothers Studios. He also has a new book due out for spring of 2010, titled A Boy Should Know How To Tie A Tie - And Other Lessons for Succeeding in Life.

I believe Antwone is a great inspiration because he's such a clear example of the old saying, "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade". From a miserable start to a glorious finish, the writer shows no signs of slowing down. He also seems to be content with his present, at peace with his past, and looking forward to his future. It doesn't matter that he was once made low by psychological abuse - Antwone is completely free.

"I think back upon a childhood full of longing for belonging, and see my
life now as what I have created out of my dreams. An image comes to mind of
Mrs. Brown at the orphanage in Cleveland, me sitting at her side, telling
her, "you'll read about me someday." I was definitely dreaming then.With no
evidence of that ever being possible, I clung to that preposterous vision
and with the force of those dreams willed it and made it happen. Not because
I needed to be famous, but because I needed a world that made me feel
uninvited to be wrong. So I imagined myself free, I imagined myself loved, I
imagined myself... as somebody."
--Antwone Fisher

Reflection

Well, we've come to the point where we have a few real-life examples of emotional abuse taking its toll on the lives of well-known victims. Thank you for riding along with me this far.

Not everyone deals with their abused experiences the same way, which is something I learned while researching the lives of Tatum O'Neal, Eminem, and Michael Jackson for my 3-part celebrity case study. Tatum O'Neal seemed to adopt a "that's the breaks" type of response to everything she's been through, and it looks like she's quietly, slowly, gradually withering away because of that. Eminem apparently took his pain and lashed out at the world with it - his rap career is based on making everyone in the world his enemy, especially other females. (I don't think he would actually do any of the heinous things he raps about, like killing and raping others, but the fact that he's even rapping about them at all is unsettling enough.) Finally, Michael Jackson tried to "fix" everything that he perceived was wrong with him - his body and his childhood - because of his father's cruelty.

So, left on their own, the effects of emotional abuse don't seem to fade on their own. Actually, they stay attached to a victim and rot him or her away until there's nothing left. I think of emotional abuse as similar to transferring a parasite: one set of self-destructive feelings goes from one host to another. But, just like dealing with a real-life parasite, the effects of emotional abuse can be "wormed" out of a victim. It just takes a specific remedy.

In my next set of posts, I'm going to take on a new case study of emotional abuse victims who have gone on to survive and thrive. Then we'll see what we can learn from their examples about how to live well after it's all over. :)